ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Arnott’s has come forward to address complaints of their beloved Iced Vovos after claims they’ve been slowly shrinking for years refuse to die down.
The biscuit giant, however, has insisted that the Iced Vovo has always been, and will always be, roughly the size of a postage stamp—no matter how hard Australians squint to remember a larger, more generously sized treat from their childhood.
“These claims that the Iced Vovo was once the size of a modest brick are completely unfounded,” said an Arnott’s spokesperson at a press conference today.
“This is the Mandela Effect in action. We assure our loyal customers that the Iced Vovo remains unchanged in size. Any differences perceived are likely due to the effects of time, nostalgia, or perhaps an overactive imagination.”
The Mandela Effect is a phenomenon where a large group of people remember an event or detail differently from how it actually occurred, often leading to widespread false memories. This term originated from the mistaken belief that Nelson Mandela died in prison in the 1980s, despite him being released in 1990 and later becoming South Africa’s president.
Despite these assurances, biscuit enjoyers have vented their disbelief.
Economists, on the other hand, have pointed to the global trend of shrinkflation, where manufacturers reduce the size of products while keeping prices steady.
“Arnott’s is owned by an American hedge fund these days. It’s all about maintaining profit margins while trying to make sure consumers don’t notice,” said one financial analyst.
“Arnott’s might be playing it off, but it’s clear the Vovo has seen better days. Back in my day, it was at least the size of an American Express Centurion Card and had at least a centimeter of topping on top. I’m not going crazy, they existed.”
Despite the growing evidence to the contrary, Arnott’s remains adamant.
“The Iced Vovo you hold today is the same one your great-grandmother enjoyed with her cuppa. If it seems smaller, maybe it’s time to accept that you’re just bigger. The biscuit hasn’t changed, you have.”
More to come.
