ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The quiet evening at the Taylor household turned into a high-chair hostage situation last night as 546-day old toddler, Noah, rejected peace terms presented by his parents.
According to his mum, the flashpoint of the standoff was a single, unassuming spoonful of steamed veggies, which Noah immediately launched across the room with a firm “AHHHHHHH!” in protest. Hoping to de-escalate, Noah’s dad introduced a negotiation tactic.
A place of chicken nuggets, a known favourite of the little dictator.
But Noah, already deeply entrenched in his anti-veggie position, wasn’t having it.
“It was terrifying,” recounted his dad.
“Giving in to his demands like that, only for him to reject them. He looked at me and almost laughed in pity, I think.”
Noah’s mum attempted a distraction manoeuvre by making airplane noises, a tactic that has worked in previous skirmishes. However, sources close to the toddler confirm he sensed it was “just more loyalist, pro-veggie propaganda.”
By 7:45 PM, Noah’s demands were clear.
Remove all steamed vegetables, resignation of mum from kitchen, introduction of 2m vegetable exclusion zone, introduce a 100% nugget-based meal plan, or face continued resistance. The stand-off eventually ended when Noah’s father capitulated, with Noah declaring victory as his defiant screams reverberated throughout the house.
“This was a clear victory,” Noah’s mum sighed.
“But tomorrow, we’re hiding the veggies in mashed potatoes. We’ll outsmart him yet, God willing.”
More to come.
