MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT
As the AFL Grand Final gets beamed into millions of living rooms and pubs across the nation, Australian Mums continue to dream of the day their daughters will bring home a gorgeous polite boy like Isaac Heeney, it can be reported.
As the 6ft tall darling midfielder for the Swans leaps across the grass stage at the MCG, The Advocate understands multiple Mums across the land, who have no concept of the shabby state of dating in 2024, have been asking their daughters why they can’t “just bring home an Isaac”.
The story comes in the face of the nation’s crippling man-drought, which any single female between the ages of 25-40 will attest, it’s pretty grim out there in the dating world.
Interviewing one Betoota Grove mother tuning into the big dance today, Jenny Rowbottom (55) can’t understand why it’s so hard to snag an athletically gifted boy who has such kind manners these days.
“Isabella darling, why don’t you find yourself a nice boy like Isaac Heeney, he looks nice!” Jenny lectured her daughter, as she carved off a hunk of Mersey Valley cheese and laid it onto a water cracker.
Glaring over the top of her phone as she scrolled over Isaac’s Instagram page, Bella Rowbottom (28) could do nothing but roll her eyes at her Mum’s continued ignorance for how hard it is to find a decent fella these days.
“It’s not that easy Mum, all the good ones are taken!” Bella replied, a little hotly.
“At my age they’re already married or living overseas, the only ones left are the commitment-phobes, the emotionally unavailable statues, the deer meat bros, or the types that think love hearting your Instagram story is the 2024 equivalent to writing a sonnet for you.”
“You think I wouldn’t be getting myself a guy like Isaac Heeney, if I could just order one online?!”
More to come.
