ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Esteemed local builder Darren Thomas paused this afternoon to admire his latest masterpiece. A row of houses that could generously be described as “habitable structures” in the burgeoning Betoota Heights estate.
Thomas, whose company HomeFusion Constructions is set to declare bankruptcy next Tuesday, stood proudly before his crowning achievement. The houses, which appear to have been designed by an architect who did his training at Kangaroo Tent City, are a testament to modern cost-cutting ingenuity.
“These homes represent the pinnacle of affordable housing,” Thomas declared, gesturing towards a line of identical boxes that seemed to sway gently in the breeze.
“We’ve really pushed the boundaries of what’s legally considered a ‘house’. Everything is to code. What’s a code? I don’t know, I don’t work at Bletchley Park. I just build houses to the bare minimum standard for the bare minimum price.”
The structures, primarily composed of hopes, dreams, and enough plasterboard to clad a Bunnings are slated to hit the market at high six figures each.
“I love this country,” Thomas mused.
“I fucking love it. I really do. Where else in the world can you get away with doing something like this?”
When questioned about his company’s imminent collapse, Thomas remained sanguine.
“In the construction industry, we believe in cycles. One company falls, another rises from its ashes. It’s practically a tradition at this point.”
Financial analyst Penelope Thrift explained the time-honoured practice of phoenixing.
“It’s a delightful quirk of our system where a builder can simply shed the inconvenient skin of debt and legal obligations, only to emerge fresh-faced under a new corporate banner. Quite ingenious, really. It’s what makes this country great.”
As the sun set on what will soon be his former company, Thomas took one last look at his creations.
“They’re rather beautiful, aren’t they?” he mused, a glimmer of pride in his eye.
“I have clothes that will be around longer than these things.”
More to come.
