ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The proud owner of a new BYD Seal has had his air conditioning turned off by the car itself this morning after allegedly insulting the car in front of a friend.
It’s hot in Betoota right now. The tail end of Cyclone Kirily is soaking the interior and it’s currently 38 at the Old City Observatory with a relative humidity of 90%. The dew point is 29.
For people like Brett Chud, a well-build young man with strong thighs and a thorax as thick as a Swiss ball, it’s hell.
Brett and his mate, Milo Overell, we’re coming back from comp around 9 this morning when young Milo, nephew to The Advocate’s editor Clancy Overell, asked what ‘BYD’ stood for.
“Build Your Dreams,” said Brett.
“I know, I know. It’s very Mainland [Chinese] isn’t it?”
Milo nodded.
“This is an electric vehicle, right?” he said.
“I thought it might’ve stood for ‘Big Yummy Dick’ or something like that.”
Brett laughed then all of a sudden, the air conditioning turned off.
He also thought that was funny – but also frustrating because the car had just a couple thousand kilometres on the clock. He tried to turn the air conditioning back on and an error message came up on the screen.
“It says ‘Feature Locked’ here on the dash,” said Brett.
“Now it says ‘Feature Unlocked at 800 Social Credits’. I think the car heard what you were saying.”
Milo laughed.
“What? This fucking Guangzhou Go-Kart is listening to us? This piece of shit doesn’t even have Bluetooth.”
As Milo said that, the power steering stopped working and the airbag light came on.
“Stop it!” yelled Brett.
“Fuck me! I can hardly steer the cunt! No airbags, either. Fuck me! Jesus Christ, what a pig of a thing this is without power steering!”
The car beeped at him again.
“Oh Christ!, I’m sorry!”
The windscreen popped off and sailed over the car. It smashed behind them on the bonnet of a Proton Jumbuck.
“Windscreen unlocked at 400!” the car flashed.
