ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Treasurer Dr Jimothy Chalmers Esq has hosed down the pathetic and targeted speculation that New Albo is going to pull the pin on this bullshit and let him or Timbertop Marles take the reigns into the upcoming election next year.
Some in the media are trying to rev up the possibility that the Prime Minister will be gone by this time next year. Our Jim isn’t having a bar of it, he tells The Advocate, because Labor are a united front now and changing leadership is too hard anyway.
Well, it can only be done if someone resigns, then the position is spilled and whoever backs themselves can have a run.
It’s not going to happen and Our Jim, Queenslander, has gone on the record today with our reporter to say he doesn’t listen to that sort of rubbish.
“No mate,” said Jim.
“No way. I don’t even keep an ear out. I’m focused on crushing inflation and putting supermarkets on bitch. It’s summer, anyway. This is a time for people to get motherless drunk and the cricket and tumble down the hill on a bit of cardboard. If I were going to this day nighter in Adelaide tomorrow, I’d be giving Christopher Pyne a nuclear noogie by the time the lights came on. I’d give him a log cabin story, the cunt [laughs] Nah, he’s all right, old Pyney,”
“Yeah, you know, it’s like when I hop on a plane and the hostie, who obviously doesn’t recognise me, asks me if I’m a medical doctor and I have to say no, I’m a doctor of Paul Keating studies and they just look at me like I’m the dumbest cunt on the plane. True story, that. But nah, mate, I don’t give a fuck. If we lose this election, I’ll fucking blow my top. Imagine having to drive up to Max Chandler-Mather’s rented shitbox in Bulimba to beg him to vote for something. Grim. Unbecoming of a man like me. Imagine old Marlesy Marles having to cosy up to Adam Bandt, too? Bumping knees with Adam on the negotiating couch. It’s enough to put a man in the ground, it is,”
“You know, sometimes I look at like a Pocock or a Katter and just think, fuck it must be good to just be a proper peanut thrower. You can just chuck your peanuts and go home at night and you know, laugh at the dickheads on Grand Designs or yell the answers at the tele during Hard Quiz. You ever seen that Tom Gleeson without a shirt on? Like giving a fucking Mazda MX5 the fright of it’s life!”
“Anyway boys, don’t listen to that shit. Albo and I are mates. We might not be best mates but we are mates. At the end of the day, he’s not some jumped up fucken Victorian like Dicky Marles.”
More to come.
