LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As Australian government employees delete TikTok off their work phone like Aron Ralston chopping off his arm, the Chinese government has weighed in and confirmed they don’t need TikTok to do their spying for them.
TikTok is one of the very few social media platforms to achieve world wide success but unlike US based social media apps, TikTok was invented in China so fuck ’em.
In the wake of US senators grilling the TikTok senior management with all the grace of a boomer asking for IT assistance on a 20 year old desktop computer, Australia decided to join the US in these e-wars because we really are just that fucking predictable.
And now that politicians like Chris Minns have farewelled TikTok with as much fanfare as the UK army exiting Ireland, Beijing has today confirmed that TikTok is not involved in this particular grand surveillance conspiracy.
“If we wanted to know what the Australian government was up to we would just ask one of our people on the inside,” stated one Chinese government official.
“Yeah, sorry, turns out that racist rabbitholer from your hometown was right all along.”
“It’s OK. It’s not like anyone can do anything about it. I suppose a neverending feed of time-draining, almost comforting videos might do well to take your mind off things now right?”
MORE TO COME.
