KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local bloke has been left red-faced today, after accidentally giving some random children a view of his salty Johnson.
After stopping by Betoota Foreshore for a quick swim to kickstart his weekend, The Advocate understands everything in the life of local man Wilson Craig-David was going quite swimmingly. Slurping down a Mango Magic he had just purchased from the nearby kiosk, Wilson’s day is reported to have turned incredibly sour, as he attempted to transition from his Budgy Smugglers into a dry pair of shorts.
Whilst balancing his breakfast smoothie on the bonnet of his car, Wilson made a bold attempt to use the tried and tested towel curtain trick, an acrobatic manoeuvre which requires a person to wrap their midriff with a beach towel, clasp it down with their left hand, whilst simultaneously removing their swimwear with their right.
However after nine years of playing contact sports and a number of failed ski-trips, witnesses say Wilson’s poor knee stability gave out resulting in an awkward tumble with even more devastating results.
Losing balance and grip of the towel as he hopped on one foot, Wilson’s entire budgie and chestnuts were soon revealed for all to see, as well as his rather hairy ass crack.
Horrified to be showing off his cocktail cucumber to the entire carpark of the Betoota Beach Club, blood drained from his face as he looked directly in the eyes of the local Hannant family, who were trying to unpack their beach belongings from the boot of their Mitsubishi Outlander.
Hearing a squeal ring out across the carpark, Wilson quickly rectified the situation by dragging his budgies back over his knee caps and launching himself into the driver’s seat.
Still half wet and sopping with embarrassment, Wilson leaned out of the driver’s door to pick up his thongs and get the hell home.
“Yeah I messed that up, maybe I’ll use the change rooms next time,” he told our reporter on site.
“I’m getting out of here before someone calls the cops…”
