LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Proving that a broken clock is right twice a day but a busted former PM never is, a confused Scott Morrison has lost track of his jobs and shown up to host The Project.
During last night’s episode of everyone’s favourite hour of banter and propaganda, the panel show opened to reveal the former PM sitting in the seat of regular host Waleed Aly, sharing a private off-camera joke with his baffled co-hosts.
“Good evening Australia and welcome to Good News Week,” stated Scotty, wearing no less than four Aussie flag badges on either lapel.
“Please give it up for my co-hosts, Catriona Rowntree, Nicky Buckley, and the chubby one from Skithouse!”
Used to the odd on air debacle, host Carrie Bickmore launched into the news headlines but had to compete with Scotty who was reading them aloud at the same time as if it were a competition.
Unfortunately for the accidental news panel show host, the headlines included mentions of his own secret ministerial appointments which prompted Scotty to bark like a seal to drown out Bickmore’s news reading.
“Ark! Ark! Everything’s fine! Ark! Ark!”
“Oh wait, that’s Albo, quick, everyone boo! Booooooooooo!”
After being asked what on Earth he was actually doing, a realisation sank over the former PM prompting him to quickly try and wrap up the show.
“Ah, that’s a great question Nicky, I am here as a guest and this has been a successful episode, probably the best one yet so round of applause for me and Jenny and the girls.”
“I think I’ve done a pretty good job for someone with only a couple of minutes experience as a live TV host, better than Sarah Murdoch that’s for sure! Remember that!”
“No no no no no seriously though, real Australians know that I am their preferred TV host.”
After announcing his departure, Scotty refused to leave and sat there watching the panel, adding nothing to the conversation apart from pretending to hiccup loudly at various points and asking when the compare the meerkat ads would come back on.
