CLIFFORED GUNCOTTON | Musings | CONTACT
LOOKS NICE, DOESN’T IT!?
In 2024’s most predictable news, Local Betoota Heights father Gary Winslett is set to receive a nice shirt for Christmas this year, ostensibly from his children but entirely selected and purchased by his wife of 19 years, Tamara.
“I had a look around for other things but he really does like getting something practical,” Tamara stated. “And I think the colour really suits him. I was also lucky enough to buy it when it was on sale.”
“I mean, the kids did, ha!”
This will mark the ninth straight year that Gary has been given the centerpiece of his suburban formal attire for Christmas.
As a result, the well-rehearsed routine of receiving the gift has been carefully curated over nearly a decade, with every element of the Christmas morning performance finely honed.
“Oh that’s nice,” Gary will say, holding it in front of him. “I like the colour.”
“It’s quite smart, isn’t it?” Tamara will add. “I think it matches your eyes.”
Gary will nod in agreement, despite having little idea of what colour his eyes actually are and being largely incapable of describing the colour of the salmon-ish, apricot-ish long-sleeved number he’s holding out in front of him.
“It’s got the tag on it, so if you don’t like it you can return it,” Tamara has planned to say.
Tamara will then insist he try it on RIGHT NOW and is fully prepared for the meek resistance he’ll display, as he quietly insists that other presents need to be unwrapped and they’ve got things to do.
Eventually he’ll relent and return to the room, awkwardly fumbling with the cuffs and flattening down the collar.
“Give us a spin,” Tamara will laugh.
“You can roll the sleeves up too.”
Gary will relent and turn slowly in an anti-clockwise direction.
Eventually his daughter, Erin (15) will admit that it does look quite good and it’s likely Gary will relent a little, internally resolving that if a teenage girl thinks he looks quite presentable other women may also agree.
2025’s ‘good going-out shirt’ will then be visible in every family single photo until Q4 2025, when it will be replaced by a near-identical version.
It will be worn to barbecues, school functions and to every single dinner that doesn’t isn’t a drive-by burger shop or takeaway – essentially QR-code-ordering-dining and above.
While wrapping the shirt in some pastel-coloured crepe paper Tamara further explains the logic behind this year’s gift.
“Honestly, he’s impossible to take clothes shopping as you have to drag him everywhere like a grumpy 12 year old,” she said. “So it’s just easier this way.”
“And besides, he doesn’t use hankies.”
