TRACEY BENDINGER | Culture | Contact
Emily Smales has just offered her last piece of incoherent speech to her drunken girls chat at a Betoota pub this evening.
It’s been confirmed that Smales has officially hung up her talking boots and is entering the drunken mute phase of the evening, where she removes herself mentally, just leaving her smiling, captainless body at the table as a decoration.
Friends of Smales have said that this is a common occurrence for the young party animal, not wanting to miss out yet not knowing her own limits.
“Yeah, shje does thhiss all ther time” slurred one of her marginally more coherent friends.
“We’ll tjake her home with us whan whe gao”
It’s not yet known exactly when that will be, but our reporter at the scene has been able to stay quite close to the developing story, stating that Smales has made eye contact with a number of her friends but not yet said anything.
In absence of being able to interview Smales, The Advocate reached out to a 24-hour alcohol specialist who was able to offer some insight into what exactly is going through the drunken girl’s mind.
“She’s likely thinking to herself that she’s got everything under control and that she’s not that drunk” said Dr. Barron.
“Quite often selective mutes think they’re still regularly participating in conversation, so in her mind everything is normal.”
“Alternatively, she’s geeing herself up to muster the strength to get to a cab and go home.”
Whatever is going on in her pissed little brain, our reporter is keeping a close eye on Smales to make sure she gets into a cab safely.
More to come.
