ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In what onlookers described as an annoying, albeit awe-inspiring linguistic performance, Séamus Ó Raghallaigh (pronounced Shay-mus Oh Rah-lee), a nice young man from County Tipperary, has reportedly managed to say the word “like” 74 times out of context during a single yarn down the pub after work yesterday.
As the tale unfolded, Séamus began weaving “like” into his story with the kind of dedication the Irish usually have for committing insurance fraud.
The conversation, which started as a simple recount of an incident involving a busted wheelbarrow, quickly devolved into a whirlwind of verbal filler. As Séamus regaled his co-workers with the yarn of how he, like, tried to, like, manoeuvre the barrow over, like, a bit of uneven ground, it became increasingly clear that the word “like” had taken on a life of its own.
“Man, it was, like, something out of a feckin’ movie,” Séamus began, his schooner tucked between his knees as he rolled himself a Port Royal.
“I was, like, pushing the barrow, yeah, and then, like, outta nowhere, the whole thing, like, tips over, and I’m, like, just standing there, like, what the actual—like, you know what I mean?”
His mates, gathered around in pensive silence expecting a punchline, quickly realised there wasn’t one. But that didn’t stop Séamus from continuing his tale, unperturbed by the blank stares.
“So then, like, I’m, like, tryin’ to pick it up, yeah? And, like, Jimmy’s over there, like, laughin’ his arse off, and I’m, like, ‘Mate, like, give us a feckin’ hand!’ But he’s just, like, nah, you’re on your own, like, you stupid feckin’ culchie eejit. So, I’m, like, stuck there, yeah, with this, like, tipped-over barrow, and, like… yeah, that’s about it. Feckin’ Jimmy, ey?”
The story ended as abruptly as it began, with Séamus trailing off into silence, apparently satisfied that he had sufficiently conveyed the gravity of the day’s trials.
“But yeah, honestly, I didn’t think it was gonna end, but,” said his co-worker Rodney, who spoke briefly to The Advocate in the smoking pokies section of the Poll Labrador Hotel.
“Nah yeah I kept waiting for the punchline, but I guess, like, that was it. He’s a good worker, but.”
More to come.
