ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Despite his best effort, Damien Cottonwell didn’t get much rest last night.
A heavy Carbonnara dinner; he even used full fat cream.
“I know it’s not the traditional recipe but I was feeling naughty,” he explained to The Advocate this morning.
“But I was hunting a good night’s sleep so I had a huge dinner and went to bed early. Only had four coffees yesterday as well. None after 3 pm. Anyway, there I was in my little bed at 10 pm waiting for Mr Sandman to pay me a visit,”
“But he never came.”
Our reporter saw the 26-year-old leasing agent at the Dolphins Leagues Club on Saturday and Sunday nights where he appeared to be under the heavy influence of alcohol and nicotine.
Many of the other town’s folk were as well.
The denizens of Betoota Heights were out in force to see the Queenslanders go down to the filthy New South Welshmen on Sunday while the uppity Betoota Grove bourgeois had a sad drive home in the Range Rover on Saturday night as the Wallabies predictably went down to the greatest team in the Northern Hemisphere.
“But I had a good night’s rest on both nights. I was home in bed by 3 each night. Needless to say, I was basically a deaf-mute on both nights. If anything, I should be sleeping deeper than Gough Whitlam right now. Instead, I’m writing around absolutely exhausted at 4 am on a Tuesday morning completely unable to sleep,”
“I don’t get it. I keep trying to tire my eyes out looking at memes but it’s not working. I must be staring at my phone every five minutes.”
The Advocate reached out to a number of people at the Royal Betoota Institute of Sleep Studies for comment but the center doesn’t open until noon.
More to come.
