KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local man is struggling to ease his anxiety issues this evening as he finds himself drowning inside a small coffin in an underground basement.
Like most young Aussies getting crushed by the cost of living crisis and endless bleak news cycle, Thom Huberman admits his anxieties have been bubbling a little louder than usual in the past few months.
Now coupled with the fact Thom just became redundant from his job as an environmental engineer, Thom’s stresses have skyrocketed through the roof as he faces the grim reality of scouring job sites in a
bleak employment market.
However lucky for Thom, his partner Chelsea thought she’d help him improve his sleep and general wellbeing by shouting him a 45 minute session at Ice Body Labs in downtown Betoota, a health and wellness joint that offers infrared saunas, ice baths and float tank therapy.
After researching the many ‘benefits’ of float tank experiences, Thom decided he’d lean into the ‘woo woo’ nature of the treatment and try his hand at a sensory deprivation tank.
Now stuck inside a pitch black coffin full of salty water that stings the eyes and every other orifice in the body, Thom says this float tank thing is quite frankly, horrifying.
“I can’t see my hands” he wailed inside the float pod, as our reporter took down some notes from the outside.
“It’s pitch black in here, the only thing I can hear is the lapping of water on the roof and those whale sounds they’re playing on the speakers. I feel like I’m stuck inside the Titanic and am about to become a Killer Whales lunch.”
Struggling to calm his mind due to his newfound case of claustrophobia, The Advocate can confirm he’s not having a great time.
“This feels like an immunity idol challenge from a season of Survivor!” he screamed, “How does anyone concentrate on their breathing in here, I’m just trying not to fcking die!”
More to come.
