ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local father sought absolution yesterday morning after committing what he describes as a necessary evil, administering 5mL of children’s paracetamol to his borderline feverish toddler before drop-off at daycare.
The father, 34-year-old Matt Henderson, admitted to the act while fastening his screaming daughter, James, into a car seat, carefully wiping away any tell-tale snot before arrival.
“Look, I know it’s frowned upon, but I’m paying $160 a day,” Henderson explained to The Advocate.
“That’s non-refundable. And I’ve got meetings all morning. Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.”
Despite being a self-described cultural Catholic who hasn’t set foot in a church since his cousin’s wedding in 2017, Henderson said the guilt was weighing heavily on him. Particularly in light of news that the Pope was currently unwell.
“Poor bloke,” he continued.
“Hope he pulls through. Wouldn’t wish illness on anyone. Well, maybe Ratzinger.”
Clutching his Brekkie McWrap like a rosary as he sat in his completely rooted 2010 Mazda CX9 outside his office, Henderson sought solace in scripture, vaguely recalling Luke 4:23: “Physician, heal thyself.”
He wondered if it applied to parents who took matters into their own hands with a syringe of strawberry-flavoured Panadol.
Meanwhile, at Little Schitz Learning Centre, daycare staff were none the wiser.
The StoryPark update yesterday afternoon presented James as “chirpy” and “full of beans” during morning drop-off. However, Henderson’s carefully laid plan began to unravel by mid-afternoon.
At precisely 2:07 PM, a call came through from the daycare’s front desk.
“Hi Matt, it’s Phuoc from Little Schitz,” the voice said.
“James’ running a temp of 37.6 degrees. We need you to come get her.”
In response, Henderson, a seasoned veteran in the art of tactical childcare negotiations, feigned confusion.
“Wait, I thought the fever threshold was 38? She’s 37.6? Nah, that’s just a warm kid. She runs hot, like a two-stroke motorbike. She’s an air-cooled boxer engine. You know what I mean. Call me back if she gets to 38,” Matt said.
As of press time, Henderson was allegedly stuck in traffic while enjoying a rare moment of peace in the office break room.
More to come.
