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A new study has revealed that even with the best marketing, originality and great taste, a hip new tea company will never be able to compete with a bushels tea made by an elderly white woman that watches Sky News religiously.
The study surveyed dozens of brand new tea brands around the country, all of which promise amazing taste and miracle-like health benefits.
“We found that one thing these new tea businesses have in common is that they’re really healthy and can help you with anything from weight loss to good sleep,” said one researcher of the study.
“What they also have in common is that they have never made a tea even close to that of a Bushels made by a 70 year old lady called Sandra who yearns for the Howard era.”
In what shouldn’t come as a surprise to many, the best teas have been found to be made in the white suburban sprawls of our great cities, in homes that seemingly have 24/7 coverage of Sky News.
Patricia Lowe (75), a lifelong Liberal voter and bushels tea connoisseur, says that she appreciates the recognition of her tea making abilities.
“It’s nice to be bloody acknowledged for once! I do all this work around the bloody house and I can barely even get a thankyou from my husband! Who are you guys anyway?! Would you like a cuppa?” Patricia said.
