ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights barbecue took a spicy turn this week after the host brought out a recent addition to his pantry.
As the guests settled in for what they thought would be a pleasant evening, host Toby Granger returned to the deck grinning and brandished a little bottle of ‘Clancy’s Colon Stripper Hot Sauce’.
“Which one of you softcocks wants to try this hot sauce? It’s the hottest in Betoota!” he said to the table of young couples.
The dinner table fell silent as Granger passed around the bottle, daring everyone to try it. Skeptical but intrigued, guest Lisa Cooper decided to take the first plunge, applying a cautious drop to her steak.
“How bad can it be?” she muttered, before taking a bite.
A silence fell over the table.
“Fuck me,” she whispered.
“Jesus Christ. Oh fucking hell. Fuck. Urgh. Fuck this, I need some milk!”
Tears streaked down her face as Toby laughed and clapped.
Encouraged by the spectacle, others followed suit. Michael Thornton, a known braggart about his spice tolerance, generously doused his chicken in the sauce.
“You guys are just weak. Look, Lisa has a harder cock than you, Mickey!” he said confidently before taking a huge bite. His bravado quickly melted away as he choked and fumbled for bread to quell the fire in his mouth.
“Why would anyone do this to themselves? It’s so dumb,” said Michael (Mickey) Lawson, who wisely abstained from the challenge, opting to watch the chaos unfold.
As laughter and groans filled the room, Granger couldn’t help but revel in the mayhem.
“This sauce separates the men from the boys,” he joked.
Later today, The Advocate spoke to Thornton, who was able to confirm that the hot sauce turned his digestive system upside down.
“Not only did it burn my mouth, my insides feel singed,” he said.
“And yes, it’s completely blown my back out. It felt like I was shitting glass. Why the fuck do people do this?”
More to come.
