LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The host of an allegedly fun Betoota Heights board game night has let his guests know they are in for a treat within strict limits.
The proud owner of a house deposits worth of board games, David White (38) decided to invite some mates around to really get some bang for his buck.
“Now you wouldn’t think so, but this game about managing your own cleaning business is really fun,” stated White, in a pitch that was equal parts school principal and pyramid scheme.
“It will just take a quick forty minutes to explain the rules which is nothing because an average game is three hours, unless you want to finish then it’s five.”
“Ooooh, make that six, I totally forgot I have the forensic cleaning expansion pack.”
Due to White taking on a teacherly role as he explained a game that was harder to understand than a brain surgery NFT, many guests reverted to being class clown types, a humorous nano-rebellion White was all too quick to squash.
“Guys please! We can have fun later alright but right now I need you to focus.”
“Anyway, phase three of your turn you roll again unless you drew a wet sponge card during phase two in which case your turn is over and all of your broomsticks go to the player who last donated blood.”
“Oh and if you’re eating chips please please please sanitise your hands before handling the pieces, these are the designer tokens only platinum Kickstarter supports got access to.”
When ‘party’ guests informed White this all sounded as fun as a GP visit on a Sunday and suggested a game like Risk or Monopoly, White told them he did not have time for their decadent idea of fun and began a powerpoint presentation of the shortcomings of the aforementioned games.
“If your idea of war and business is based entirely on luck and an antiquated upgrades system then those child’s games should be the game for you. Meanwhile, WarLandLord: The 12th Redux Edition, provides an immersive experience with detailed pieces and box art plus an economic structure based on real time updates from global property markets and warzones. I have sent each of you a link to download the app. Please sit quietly while you design your profiles and we will recommence in an hour.”
MORE TO COME.
