CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
In a move that’s left Betoota’s rental market both bemused and mildly perplexed, local woman Fiona Lee, 28, has posted an ad for a new housemate in the French Quarter that reads more like a Tinder profile than a room listing.
“Looking for a chill roommate to share my two-bedroom apartment,” the ad begins innocently enough before veering sharply into dating profile territory. “Must love dogs (and be prepared to spoil my golden retriever, Finn), enjoy spontaneous pizza nights, and appreciate the fine art of binge-watching Netflix until 2 AM.”
Rather than focusing on practicalities—like rent and utilities —the ad appears more concerned with finding someone who vibes on a “deep spiritual level.” Preferred traits include “a zest for life, a passion for baking,” and, naturally, someone who’s “more than a housemate but someone I enjoy coming home to.”
Of course, astrology features heavily. “If you’re into astrology, that’s a massive plus. Good vibes only—I’m a Leo. No Sagittarius’, sorry.”
Local renter Nina, 27, briefly considered applying but was put off by the ad’s dating-app energy. “I just wanted to know if it had heating and if the bills were reasonable,” she said, visibly confused.
“Instead, I got a list of personal red flags and a request to identify my ‘love language.’ I’m just trying to find a warm room, not a soulmate.”
As of today, applications remain open, with Fiona holding out for that perfect blend of rent-splitting and spiritual synergy.
