LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A local group of children have learnt a good and honest lesson about capitalism today whilst trying to offload the last of their charity fundraiser chocolates.
After selling a few super-sized Fredos to friends and family, the siblings soon realised that the fundraiser could work a lot quicker with an easy target that would buy the lot.
It is for this reason that the Sutcliffe children (12, 9, 7) knocked on the door of their dropkick uncle Kieran at 8:30 am on Sunday morning, ready to speedrun this fundraiser once and for all.
Witness reports state that Uncle Kieran answered the door to his nieces and nephew with a pair of baggy red eyes, initially mistaking them for a young group of Jehova’s Witness door knockers.
“No guys sorry go away I’m already an atheist,” croaked the children’s uncle as an unearthly avalanche of sleep, dandruff and dried mucus rolled off his pale grey face.
“Oh wait – sorry kids! How are you doing? What’s that you brought for uncle Keiran?”
Upon realising the chocolates were more transaction than gift, the seedy yet dutiful uncle reached into his wallet and produced a stack of cash he pulled out of the ATM six hours ago but was too munted to sufficiently enjoy.
“Are they big Caramelo Koalas? Oh my God, give ‘em here!”
With the fundraiser box now empty, Uncle Keiran was left chilling on his lounge with Survivor and a stack of sugar as the young entrepreneurs walked home with pockets sagging full of change.
“We got way more than those chocolates were worth!” stated eldest chocolate seller and self appointed leader Sara Sutcliffe.
“It says $2 recommended retail price after all. At $5 a pop we are going to be able to afford new soccer nets for kids in the next suburb over!”
