ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A city worker has this morning received a firm directive from his boss, who has demanded that he make his way into work despite widespread delays and cancellations across the Betoota Metro network.
Speaking to The Advocate from a stranded platform in Betoota Heights, associate consultant Michael Thompson says his call to explain the situation was met with zero sympathy.
“What do you mean you can’t get in?” said Managing Director Trevor Whitmore from the comfort of his executive parking spot beneath the Remienko Plaza in the heart of our town’s financial district.
“I don’t give a shit about the trains, mate. I need you at your desk. We aren’t some bullshit company like Atlassian, we do work that matters. Get in here.”
The tense phone call comes amid a day of industrial action by Betoota Metro staff, who are striking over unsafe conditions, low wages, and the inexplicable decision to move towards driverless trains staffed by robots that can’t whinge.
While thousands of commuters have been left stranded in our dark-roof suburbia, Whitmore, who drove a leisurely two suburbs in his new leased BMW before parking for free, believes the transport chaos is simply not his problem.
“Mate, the trains aren’t my responsibility. I’m running a business here,” he said.
“If you really cared about your career, you’d find a way. When I was Michael’s age, I suffered the same problems. He’s just soft as Sunday poo he is.”
When asked how exactly he was supposed to find a way, Thompson was reportedly told to be resourceful, like the ANZACs were, with his boss suggesting either an Uber, a cab, a Lime scooter, or just walking. It’s 23km from his home in Betoota Heights.
“He said pretend that I was a Rat of Tobruk and the train employees were Nazi storm troopers. He really lives on another planet. The French Quarter.”
At the time of publication, Thompson was considering walking home instead and calling in with a pulled heart muscle.
More to come.
