LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
In breaking news, it has been revealed that local unit Nick ‘Kingo’ King refers to himself as a ‘big kid at heart’ primarily for the reason that he sleeps in a single bed.
The 36-year-old plumber is known for his workplace antics and ability to do anything in order to get attention under the guise that he is trying to boost morale amongst his fellow employees.
After giving himself alcohol poisoning following the proud tradition of ‘Friday Drinks,’ co-worker Heather Grant (30) made sure King returned home safe, in the same way you wouldn’t allow a child to walk home at night.
Upon entering King’s apartment, Grant immediately identified her co-worker’s single bed as the root cause for his behaviour.
“It all makes sense now,” stated Grant.
“If you slept in a bed designed for children and virgins then life might be easier to deal with if you thought of yourself as some sort of overgrown child.”
Grant lay him to rest on the mattress too short to accommodate his feet before stepping over a pile of unopened mail, returning home and having 19 showers.
“It would be sweet if it wasn’t the most pathetic thing I’d ever seen.”
Enjoying a bowl of Coco Pops in bed the following morning, King discussed how his alcohol issues and porn addiction and are just part of his boisterous childlike charm and not something you need to call his brother about to discuss.
“I’m just a big kid! And my last name is King, so no matter what, this is a KING SINGLE! Haha!”
