WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A young local man was forced to make a tough choice today.
Moulded into his couch, deep in the middle of a Call of Duty Modern Warfare wormhole, Kyal Hitchens had to make a decision about how he would keep his body going – and not by draining another 500ml can of Monster energy drink.
He had to figure out whether to wait the two minutes it takes to boil water and the subsequent two minutes for a packet of Mi Goreng noodles to reach a nice level of cooked, or to wait potentially 5 minutes for a toastie to melt and the following few minutes for that meal to cool to a point where it wouldn’t strip the skin of the inside of his mouth like a schooner of metho.
This comes after his life went on hold like a call to Centrelink, since the launch of the new Modern Warfare today, which is now set to occupy 77% of the humble bachelor’s non-work related waking moments.
Speaking to The Advocate from his couch, after he was forced to call in sick to work with a nasty unseasonal head cold, the young Engineer who may as well flick his email to out of office for the weekend explained that he eventually went the Mi Goreng.
“Yeah, thought I’d go with something with a bit of flavour, rather than just the old plain cheese toastie dipped in tomato sauce,” he said slumped in his chair.
“Something a bit exotic you know,” explained the young man who’s been glued to his PS4 like an exam time student to Netflix.
“Look, the campaign has some fucking hectic moral conundrums to play through, so I didn’t have time to think about shit like what to eat.”
“Mi Goreng, easy slam dunk with a nice Monster to wash it down, respawn, run and gun, headshot, and the game goes on.”
It’s believed Hitchens productivity at work, around the house, and on his personal hygiene will now take a hit similar to many young men and women following the release of the new Call Of Duty – with his life spiralling further and further into the B/O and energy drink smelling wormhole.
“I’ve got a mate’s farewell and a 30th on the weekend too, so I just need to really knock this campaign on the head before then,” he said before swivelling around.
