BARTHOLOMEW McCUMBLERAND | Investigative | CONTACT
A local Betootan has been spotted applying copious amounts of Aeroguard spray to his already heavily bitten arm, despite being warned by nan 30 minutes earlier that the “mozzies are here.”
Dave Saunders, 43, had been enjoying his Sunday Barbecue at his in-laws place without even thinking of the consequences of the location.
“They live behind a swamp, but I didn’t even think about it. I thought, I’ll be right. Obviously, I made the wrong choice.”
Saunders then made a further blunder in his choice of outfit for the evening, a Bintang singlet and shorts, with only thongs protecting his feet from the impending mosquito invasion.
“It’s totally fucked. It was the only clean thing I had. What was I supposed to do?”
He then was forced to spend the rest of the evening hopelessly covering his body in the one can of Aeroguard brought by nan, who proceeded to lecture him on the importance of preparation with the same stories she’d been telling for the last 30 years.
When the Betoota Advocate contacted her, she had this to say: “David is a good kid, but he can be a silly little boy sometimes. I sent him home with the rest of the can, just in case.”
Despite using over half a bottle, Saunders saw no improvement on the case of his bites.
In a statement, Aeroguard wrote, “Our products clearly say on the label, for use by those of the age 3+. Obviously we didn’t take into account complete dumb-fucks not applying beforehand.”
