CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
A modern day stockman at the local Coles has once again survived several allegations of calling people fuckwits and smoking marijuana on the job.
The pimply teenager, who claims to have punched on with blokes as old as 19, will not be getting fired for his recent misconduct.
Management states that Corey (15) is too damn good at his job to be replaced with just any other local hoodrat – and while they acknowledge that his behaviour may be rather anti-social, it’s something they are willing to overlook.
Following a number of stern complaints about his behaviour, the suggested termination of his employment has been completely squashed. With multiple higher-ups coming in to bat for Corey.
Despite growing complaints from local shoppers, Corey lives to see another day plying his trade in his Lynx Africa-soaked high-vis.
The technically-enrolled-local-high-schooler returns to work today, and immediately begins to elegantly muster a mob of twenty steel heffers into the suburban cattle crush, which is situated between the pram-only car parks and the entrance to the BWS.
“For me to sack him, I’d need to find me someone else who navigate car park traffic and the physics of stacked trolleys while scootering on one foot like he can” said the Central Betoota Coles assistant director, Gareth.
“He’s like water. It’s all fluid. Everything happens in one motion. This is the type of skill that cannot be automated or replaced. We need him more than he needs us”
“The kid is brash, he’s rude, he’s lippy – and i’m pretty sure he’s been selling drugs to people onsite while wearing wearing his Coles uniform – but we didn’t hire him because he was a choirboy”
“Choirboys don’t move trolleys like he does”
