ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
With the clock ticking towards 3, local man Darren Jenkins has officially kicked off his wedding day ritual by cracking open his first pre-function beer in the comfort of his hotel room.
Stationed at the Riverside Hotel with a sweeping view of the Brisbane River, Darren has already completed his simple getting-ready routine. His suit is laid out, his bald head rubbed with hand soap in the shower. The only thing left to do is savour the quiet before the chaos of the day. The unofficial signal for this sacred ritual came when his partner, Emily, pulled out her Go-To mask.
As Emily slipped on the hydrating sheet mask — which promises luminous, glowing skin in just 10 minutes — Darren knew it was time. With the mask firmly in place and Emily deep in her skincare routine, Darren plundered the hotel minibar, choosing a Crown Lager that’s easily 4 years old, officially starting his favourite part of the day.
“These pre-function beers, mate, they’re something special,” Darren says, pausing to take a sip as he watches the boats drift along the river.
“You’ve got the whole day ahead of you, nothing to do but relax while she gets ready. It’s one of the great beers.”
But the pre-function beer isn’t the only brew Darren considers top-tier. In fact, he’s got a mental list of what he believes are the best beers a bloke can have.
“You’ve got the one you have when she’s getting ready, like this,” Darren starts, ticking off on his fingers.
“Then there’s the airport beer — you know, the one you have before a holiday or a Buck’s trip. That’s got to be one of the best. There’s something about sitting at a bar at 9 AM, knowing you’re off somewhere, that just makes it taste better.”
He continues, “There’s also the post-deal beer, right after you’ve closed something big at work. Doesn’t matter if it’s a massive contract or just getting the boss to agree to something. That beer’s like a little victory lap. And let’s not forget the post-yard work beer, when you’ve just mowed the lawn or fixed something around the house. That one, with the sweat still on your back, is pure gold.”
Darren pauses, clearly enjoying the thought of each and every one. “Oh, and the reunion beer — catching up with an old mate you haven’t seen in ages, that first sip is just different. And, of course, there’s the shower beer. That one you have while getting ready to go out, just to set the tone for the night. I could go on all day.”
As Emily glances over, Darren smiles and takes another sip, content in the knowledge that while the day’s formalities might be just around the corner, he’s already ticked off one of the best moments.
“Don’t worry, babe,” he muses, setting down his now-empty bottle and eyeing the clock.
“We’ve got heaps of time. I’ll call an Uber when you’re ready to go. Actually, that’s another great beer. The waiting for the Uber beer. The one you’ve got to smash because you get on that’s 2 minutes away. Murphy’s Law, hey?”
More to come.
