INGRID DOULTON | Lady Writer | Contact
A local man who has trouble admitting he doesn’t know much about pretty much any topic has made a seamless transition from entry-level residential real estate to personal training this year.
This time last year, Betoota Heights man Quincey O’Keefe (or “Queef,” as his friends call him) was a glorified door opener.
As a leasing agent, the 34-year-old was tasked with driving his 2015 Hyundai Accent from property to property in Betoota Heights. Once he arrived at the property, his job was to open the door and let prospective tenants guide themselves through the house while he enjoyed a few rounds of BowlingMania on his iPhone X. Once they were done, he would upload applications to a third-party platform—though he often forgot his password and had to reset it almost every time.
“I couldn’t remember where I was forced to put the funny symbol in the password,” he told The Advocate.
When he finally got through the hoops and into the portal, he would immediately disregard any applications from people with pets or children. He would delete those from single mothers or families where the man was not the breadwinner. At the top of the pile sat young, unmarried, childless couples with a high dual-income—white and Protestant. They always got approved.
But Quincey’s resistance to learning and his constant need to be chaperoned through his workday eventually caught up with him. One day, he received a notification about a meeting with LJ Hooker HR and his direct manager. Later that afternoon, he was back on his parents’ couch, wondering what he would do next.
This week, Queef PT will turn over more than he would have made in a month as a leasing agent. He’s managed to put together a deposit and recently purchased a unit in the French Quarter—a 100sqm, two-bedroom apartment in an Art Deco block of eight. It has a car space and a double-window overlooking Branlette au Jardin. Gone is the Hyundai. Now he drives an Amarok because, despite having a large disposable income, he is still a fucking idiot.
Many on the periphery of Queef’s life mock him behind his back for being an old-fashioned dumb cunt, but in his circular, one-track mind, he has everything he wants. And because nothing ever goes on inside his head, he has all he needs.
More to come.
