ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Eyebrows were raised today as Dennis Procter turned up to his mate’s grand final barbecue with his lovely new partner and a sock.
The relationship might be only three weeks old but the 26-year-old’s friends say they’ve never seen the cynical Cancerian happier.
However, one thing that Dennis failed to mention to his friends prior to today was that the new relationship came with a sock.
Our reporter is currently on the scene at Mark Spearman’s leafy Betoota Heights display home, sitting on the Nick Scali with a cold tin of Betoota Marathon Mid between his legs while another of Dennis’ friends explained to The Advocate what a sock is.
“S.O.C.K,” he spelt out.
“Some other cunt’s kid. Apparently, he’s a real bag of shit, took off on them. Pretty sad, she’s such a beautiful person. The kids a real legend, too. Pretty shit at cricket, but. Dennis is trying to teach him how to play but he’s mad keen on Fortnite,”
Our reporter spat a mouthful of beer out onto the replica Noguchi table in shock.
“A sock? Jesus wept! Don’t let Dennis hear you say that,” said our reporter.
His mate laughed.
“He’s the one who coined the term. He reckons the sock is a great.”
But many at the party concede that perhaps Dennis might be a bit young to start this phase of his life, considering his private education, law degree and hedonistic lifestyle.
In saying that, those people aren’t prepared to say that to him in person.
Our reporter tried to rouse Dennis’ mother, who’d just washed half a sheet of valium down with two bottles of bargain bin prosecco, for comment but she was unresponsive even to a very firm sternum rub.
More to come.
