ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Skovgaard household woke this morning to their matriarch shouting into the fridge.
“If you finishing the fucking milk, don’t put the empty carton back in the fucking fridge!”
Rolf Skovgaard, 17, shot bolt upright in bed at around 7am, moments after hearing his mother Ingrid scream about the milk.
He’d had a Milo just before bed and now remembers he absent-mindedly put the empty carton back in the fridge.
“What is it?! Why are you shouting?!” yelled his father, Werner.
“Don’t worry! Get your own fucking breakfast this morning!” she replied.
“What’s gotten into you, Ingrid?”
She left the kitchen without replying.
While he rode the bus to work into the Old City District this morning, a still bemused Rolf decided to check up on his mother via SMS to see if she was OK.
Rolf had his mind put at ease a short time later, to the point where he felt comfortable enough to speak candidly to one of our reporters about the experience.
“Turns out it had something to do with the moon or something,” he said.
“You see, Mum’s a Scorpio. That makes her emotionally unstable just to begin with. There are some days when she can’t even reverse park without calling something or someone a ‘cunt’ – but we all have those days, don’t we?”
“Anyway, she knew she woke up differently this morning and knew her behaviour was quite erratic so she did what every middle-aged mother does in this situation – she read her horoscope.”
In The Advocate today, the horoscope for the Scorpio sign was as follows:
Don’t let the impending change in the seasons define you. You’re nearing your goals and don’t need any distraction. Purple monkey dishwasher. There’s going to be challenges this month that you’re not prepared for but don’t let them get you down. Adapt and overcome. Perhaps your daughter might come back from the big smoke with the idea that Australia Day should be changed to the day John Howard dies? Maybe she’s pashed a hot Catholic boy and is afraid to tell you? Don’t take it personally, let your love shine through. If you get angry at the smallest thing, you’ll let it out and feel much better for it. Ride my Scorpio, ride.
The Advocate reached out to other members of the Skovgaard for comment but have yet to receive a reply.
More to come.
