ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Two of society’s most vocal but otherwise unassociated factions have come together today to declare that Valentine’s Day is, in no uncertain terms, is bullshit.
Career-focused single women and self-proclaimed incels from across the country have found common ground in their shared disdain for a day they describe as “a shameless corporate grift designed to exploit the weak and delusional.”
Local legal practitioner Dawn Serviss, who describes herself as “too busy for that crap,” says she has no interest in wasting her hard-earned salary on a man who would inevitably disappoint her anyway.
“Oh, great, another year of watching my taken friends receive overpriced flowers and post ‘spoiled’ on Instagram like their boyfriends actually enjoy doing this,” said Serviss.
“Valentine’s Day is just a way to make women settle for the bare minimum. Like, congrats Sarah, your glorified sperm donor remembered the date this year.”
Meanwhile, on the other side of town, local subreddit moderator and part-time cryptocurrency investor, Callum ‘DrexBlade’ Ward, has also denounced the annual celebration of love, though for different reasons.
“It’s just another day where society rubs salt in the wounds of men who have been left behind,” Ward said.
“The dating market is rigged. Women only go for rich guys, gym chads, and lefties with tattoos. I don’t see the point in even trying anymore. I will be a man on honour.”
Despite their differences, both Serviss and Ward agreed that their only plans for the evening involved drinking.
More to come.
