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In a startling display of collective panic, Australia’s ornithophobiacs—those with an irrational fear of birds—are bracing for what is by far the worst time in the year for them.
As the annual magpie swooping season officially kicks off. The fearsome magpie, known for its territorial swoops, has driven these individuals into a frenzy of emotional and logistical preparation.
Reports indicate that the influx of calls of heightened anxiety began moments after the clock hit midnight on September 1st, the first day of spring.
According to the Australian Ornithophobics Network (AON), a surge in self-preservation tactics includes everything from full-body protective gear to psychological warfare strategies designed to outwit the notoriously aggressive birds.
“This is the Super Bowl of bird-related anxiety,” said AON spokesperson, Patricia Wright (48).
“Every year, our members face an extremely anxious few months, many barely even leave the house”
As the swooping season goes on, people who fear birds will keep preparing and trying to stay calm. It’s unclear if their efforts will work to keep the magpies away, but it’s certain that this season will be very stressful for them.
