LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A coming of age tale has taken place far too late to be adorable as newly single manbaby Benjamin Bennett (31) has had to do this horrible thing and fill out his own forms like a proper big boy.
During his recently terminated relationship, Bennett knew of several things he was so bad at that it was easier if his SO just did, justifying these selfish actions by stating ‘all Australian males’ are this incapable.
“It’s true, we’re not able to do it as a species,” stated Bennett, confidently dragging all Australian men into his dirty, tepid bathwater where they all must share one rubber duck.
“It’s an evolutionary thing, while we were hunting mammoths women were filling out forms.”
In a fitting twist, cave-style living is back on the menu for Bennett as the filler of his forms, cleaner of his kitchen and lover of his life has left him, presumably in order to fill out 50% less forms for the same salary.
Now enjoying the immersive experience of filling out a new patient form in a medical clinic, Bennett is passing through the five stages of loss as he wishes his ex was here just to do the whole thing for him.
“Weaponised incompetence? Yeah, that’s the type of incompetence she said it was.”
Bennett then sheepishly asked an intern in our reporting team if she would be his emergency contact, later strongarming her into being his next of kin which forced the cadet into rethinking a possible career in journalism.
MORE TO COME.
