KEITH T. DENNETT | REAL LIFE | CONTACT
A collection of ghosts have appeared uninvited on the front porch of a local girl’s mind this evening as she tries to enjoy a Facebook scroll in peace.
Harriet Bain-Marie (32) is reportedly tonight questioning whether the Facebook algorithm is in fact controlled by an all-knowing, omnipotent sadistic Digi-God, as she takes a look through the “People You May Know” section on Facebook.
Flicking through the roll of names and faces she’s pretty familiar with, Harriet told our reporter she didn’t quite understand how Facebook was able to suggest such a grubby set of humans to be her ‘Friend’.
“Look at this, it’s like walking into the worst house party of my life!” said Harriet as she squinted at the biggest festival line-up of fuckheads she’d ever seen.
“There’s not a single person in this list I’d like to share a packet of Twisties with…”
Twisting her face up at her phone, Harriet stared back at the collection of old high school bullies, a teacher that used to give her the creeps and a few dusty Tinder matches she once met for a single drink during her uni years.
But it was one face in particular that really made Harriet’s stomach turn, and that was the face of Adam Dorset, a cheating ex-boyfriend who came up in conversation over the weekend.
“Seriously, is Zuckerberg just listening into every drunk chat I have? If I ever saw Adam’s face in person I’d scratch his eyes out with a bobby pin, he’s the last person I want to have in my feed.”
More to come.
