ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The drug enforcement squad at the Betoota Heights Police Command has fired a salvo over the bow of festival goers this summer by announcing a number of new measures aimed at deterring fun.
Detective Inspector David Rutledge of Queensland Police said new fun detection dogs will be rolled out alongside their drug-sniffing canine brothers and sisters this year in an effort to make the festival experience safer for all involved.
“Revellers have been put on notice,” he said sternly.
“In addition to making sure nobody has anything they shouldn’t have on them, these new dogs will weed out anyone having too much fun. That will allow us to remove them from the scene heavy-handedly, then deleted the bodycam footage and close ranks when the rats from Internal Affairs come knocking,”
“Honestly, I can’t wait to have a hand in giving a teenager a criminal record. I fucking live for that shit. Back to what I was saying. These new canine officers are part of a wider program aimed at keeping the community safe.”
In addition to the new fun detection dogs, artists at festivals such as Betoota City Limits, and the French Quarter Folk Festival have been asked to remove lyrics alluding to drug taking, premarital fornication and why Sir Joh deserved to die in prison.
A small price to pay, says City Limits promoter, Gary Carmen.
“Our balls are in a vice as it is,” he said.
“In order for us to keep doing what we’re doing, we need to take what the police and shire council give us, then say thank you.”
“Thank you for affording us the opportunity to have this festival, it should be great.”
More to come.
