KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
One of Betoota’s most spiritually centred individuals has offered some helpful advice this morning, telling her yoga class to ‘practice without judgement’.
Gliding gracefully between rows of panting students, who are far less flexible than she is, 29-year-old yogi Willow Moon-Blossom is believed to have carried herself with the superiority of an instructor that hasn’t eaten a processed carbohydrate since 2016.
Kicking off the class by asking her students to transition into ‘Adho Mukha Shvanasana’, it’s understood the teacher unenthusiastically translated her words for her less linguistically inclined beginners, who do not understand ‘Sanskrit’, the language of yoga.
“Now as you move to ‘downward facing dog’, let us ALL set a strong intention for today, and embody our inner creative child” cooed the local Yogi.
“Let us embrace learning, let us practice with compassion, and above all let us abandon ego and practice without judgement”.
Stopping for a brief moment to straddle a beginner struggling to hold the pose for longer than 10 seconds, it’s believed Willow was heard huffing, as she corrected the hips of the novice participant.
Taking the liberty to use her wiry hands to correct the poor shoulder positioning of the student, it’s understood Willow was heard furiously whispering that a different class may be more suitable.
“Today’s class is considered intermediate, we have beginner lessons starting at 4pm if you could please come to that next time” she curtly whispered into the ear of the first timer.
“It’s all on the website, if you could read that next time I’m sure the whole class would appreciate it” burned the teacher with volcanic levels of passive aggression.
Content that her students had sufficiently warmed up, it’s believed Willow spent no time asking her class to begin a handstand, in an effort to weed out the shit students.
“Now that we’re feeling some heat, I ask everyone to move to ‘Salamba Shirshasana’, inverted headstand, and you CAN’T, simply lay in childs pose and await further instructions…”
“We’ll come back to you eventually…”
More to come.
