QLD COVID Guidelines Recommend Sanitising Goonsack Before Giving The Hoist A Spin

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

In order to continue the Queensland way of life and maintain the ability to blame CoronaVirus on no-good southerners, the state government has released a series of COVID-19 guidelines they hope will do both.

One of the most strongly advised guidelines recommends sanitising the goonsack before giving the hills hoist a spin during the classic underaged drinking game Goon Of Fortune.

Goon Of Fortune is a party drinking game where an unboxed bag of cask wine is pegged to a rotary clothesline surrounded by thirsty participants who take turns spinning the bag and taking a big gulp when it stops in front of them.

The game is especially popular with younger drinkers who have not yet found the virtue of getting drunk like an adult.

It is for this reason the Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk is recommending a controversial ‘sack wipe’ rule to stop the spread of COVID-19 amongst young people.

“Goon Of Fortune is a great game for socially distant drinkers as participants have to stand apart to begin with,” stated Premier Palaszczuk.

“We strongly recommend that if you are going to play, be sure to sanitise the nozzle after each gulp. The high alcohol content of hand sanitiser is an added bonus and may even play well with some fruitier flavoured cask wine.”