LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The ageing population of Australia are up in arms as they face a potential nightmare situation where they might actually pay for their own aged care.
At the time of writing, there are roughly 5 million Australian Baby Boomers which means they outnumber the combined populations of polar bears, pandas, rhinos, Tassie Devils and working class rugby fans by a ratio of about 100 to 1.
This expected mega burden on the aged care system has prompted politicians and venture capitalists to brainstorm how they can use this upcoming crisis to swindle younger generations despite the fact that boomers could pay for it themselves as the wealthiest generation in the nation’s history.
“To pay for your landlord’s aged care it will just be the price of a cup of coffee every day,” stated aged care mogul Barney McPosche-Sach, who honestly thinks anyone would want to live in a world without daily coffee.
“How about instead of encouraging a nationwide cafe boycott, we take the aged care money out of hours spent in front of Lucky Dragon?” asked every young person with a mouth.
“Yes, I sometimes spend money on coffee or nice clothes, that’s true. I just wish that this level of questioning into my own finances was something that was done regardless of your age group.”
“Have you ever asked a pensioner how they spend their money? Their eyes turn into fucking bayonettes! It’s like you sat in their favourite seat and wore their arse groove out. Yet when I fill up my car with 91 I get a lecture about why I’ll never be financially viable as a person.”
“And now, you want us to pony up so some old no voters can have some one ply scraped across their dirty rich arses while a nursing home slumlord absorbs a good deal of the inheritance which I’ve been told is the only pay day I’ll ever get?”
“How is this even a question of who’s going to pay for it? Traditionally people in need of a product or service pay for it themselves. Isn’t that capitalism? Did I miss something? Do I need a nap? Have I lost the will to live? Should I just spend my meagre life savings in Colombia before checking in to the Thirroul Beach Motel? It’s honestly seeming like the most sane response right now.”
