ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A local remora fish has told coworkers today that he largely ignores the ‘No Junk Mail’ signs on area letterboxes when he does a flyer drop because he knows they don’t mean him.
Darcy Tuckwell, of LJ Hooker Betoota Heights, said he still drops his upcoming sale flyers into mailboxes that explicitly ask him not to because he’s under the impression people don’t want to miss out on a real estate bargain.
“It’s not that I ignore them, I just wouldn’t classify my flyers are junk mail,” he said.
“They’re just letting people know that I’m selling a house in the area and that maybe they should pop down. Or maybe if they’re looking to sell, I could get them top dollar for their clapped out display home,”
“Certainly not junk mail. Junk mail to me is something that’s carried straight from the letterbox into the recycling bin. The Betoota Advocate is junk mail – and actually a giant joke. It’s actually fucked what’s happened, you don’t deserve any of this. This interview is over.”
Many local homeowners in the greater Betoota Heights area have declared that they do, in fact, classify material such as the autofelating, self-important garbage that many real estate agents place in their letterboxes to be ‘junk mail’.
And according to Hudson Derwent of Catskill Avenue up in the Heights, Darcy is one the worst offenders.
“I’ve got a very prominent ‘No Junk Mail’ sign on my letterbox,” said Derwent.
“Yet once a week, I’m forced to look at that Tarocash slimeball’s beady black eyes. His face is always on his shit. It is by definition junk mail,”
“If you see him again, tell him to stop.”
More to come.
