LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As popular real estate terms such as ‘Master Bedroom’ and ‘Servant’s Quarters’ continue to be phased out, everyone can agree that ‘Man Cave’ is a much nicer term than ‘Wank Den’.
Usually appearing in the houses of suburban men with too much money, a Man Cave is a space specifically designed for men to do manly things such as eat meat, watch sports and rate each other’s ability to create humorous sounds via the passing of flatulence.
Man Caves are usually home to a specific set of rules, which are usually sign posted via a cheeky poster from a tobacco shop. Popular rules include ‘no emotional talk’, ‘mandatory beer drinking’ and ‘no chicks’, the latter presumably excepted when the place needs a bit of a tidy.
Although not outright said, it is privately accepted that 100% of Man Cave owners have in fact had a wank in their room dedicated to the Y chromosome and will continue to do so as long as they don’t get caught too often.
This behaviour is ultimately why Man Caves were nearly called Wank Dens, to save everyone time and be a bit more honest. However, every person with a current understanding of the English language can agree Man Cave sounds nicer, even if it is leaving out the defining detail of the room.
“As you can see, this is one of the premier Man Caves in the area,” stated one real estate agent as she took our reporting team through a garage that didn’t have any cars in it but did have couches, a neon sign and weird painting of Humphrey Bogart and Elvis playing pool.
“That door locks from the inside as well so you can do anything you need to do with the privacy you need.”
“How about I leave you guys alone in here for a second?”
