TRACEY BENDINGER | Motoring | Contact
Simon Oakden has today been seen exiting the Betoota Ranges BP with enough junk food to sustain a family of four for an 8-hour car trip. However, it has been revealed that Mr. Oakden is embarking on a mere two-hour trip and is travelling alone.
The Advocate caught up with service station owner, Boris Sampson, to uncover exactly what Mr. Oakden purchased and to cast general aspersions about him.
“He was loading up; salt and vinegar chips, oak chocolate milks, mild salsa, he even bought a longneck of Pepsi Max!”
“I don’t usually judge, but I thought it was a lot of food. So, I said it was kind of him to be buying his family such a variety of treats”
It’s understood that at that moment, Boris knew Mr. Oakden was in fact buying this sickening amount of food for himself.
“Oh, long car trip then, I said. But nah. The bloke was just driving up to Diamantina Dam – that’s only 2 hours away!”
“He’ll die if he’s not careful.”
Our reporters reached out to Mr. Oakden for comment and to see just how much of his mobile feast he made it through in his short journey.
“Mate, all of it” he said with unfounded confidence.
“You tell me how you’d choose between those gems”
“Ha, gems. Thanks for reminding me, I’m gonna go to Neville’s Fish and Chips to get some potato gems!”
Despite Mr. Oakden treating his body like the old Betoota Dump, he’s actually in good shape and ensures us it’s all above board with his 5:2 diet.
More to come.
