LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Two older men meeting at a Channel Country deli cafe may appear to be an innocuous affair but those in the know are aware of something far more sinister.
For years, Betoota’s nearest neighbour, the barren oasis of Mt Quilby, has been battling hard to get city status and now has two whole Uber drivers to prove it.
The two ubering gentlemen are Klaus Gaunt and Roy Hudson and after three months on the job (as confirmed by all their passengers who ask how long they’ve been driving Ubers for) the unlikely pair have found that between them they have the current glossary of local goss.
“We actually do call it the Gossary already,” stated Gaunt rather defensively after reporter Louis Burke asked him why they didn’t call it the Gossary.
“Take a seat mate, we’ll be a while yet, we haven’t even got to the bakesale drama.”
With a DDR level of intel, the two codgers proceeded to natter away about a literal community’s worth of knowledge including everyone who is having an affair, all the people about to get sacked and which drug dealers are currently participating in price gouging.
“I heard that old Didier Straus found a gold nugget in his lower field,” explained Hudson between sips of Blend 43.
“Wide round as a bowl and as long as his arm. Jeffrey Sargent’s boy helped him winch it.”
“No that’s the thing Huds,” interjected Gaunt, his wrist numb from stirring his coffee so he wouldn’t look suspicious.
“It was just a rock he painted gold. He’s faking the whole thing so he can go on Sunrise!”
“Really? Strewth! If I was him I wouldn’t want to be drawing attention to myself. You know he was in the Hitler Youth right?”
“Hang on one sec – mate, this is all off the record yeah?”
