ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The federal government’s new social media restrictions for under-16s are already producing unintended consequences in regional Australia, with melted wheelie bins now appearing on local cricket pitches. In Betoota Heights, the latest incident has left the town’s beloved Betoota Dugongs scrambling to repair their scorched wicket ahead of this Saturday’s clash with the Windorah Doormats.
Dugongs Club Captain, Mick Hayes, said the damage to the pitch was “a war crime” and a slap in the face to the team’s volunteers.
“We’ve had a group of legends down here every weekend filling in cracks and getting the pitch ready for the season, because Lord knows those cocksuckers on the council weren’t going to,” Hayes told The Advocate.
“Now, thanks to a couple of fucking kids with no TikTok to tock, we’re fucked. It’s bloody unAustralian.”
Queensland Police confirmed they are investigating the incident, which occurred last night around 10PM. Sergeant Ian Pegcock said the melted wheelie bin is just the latest example of mischief linked to bored teens.
“We’ve seen everything from letterbox smashing to fruit being lobbed at windshields,” Pegcock said.
“And now it’s this. The social media ban was supposed to keep kids out of trouble, but instead, they’re outside causing chaos. At least when they were lying on the couch, nothing caught fire. It’s lucky we didn’t catch him. We would’ve flicked the batons out.”
One local youth, who asked to remain anonymous, admitted to participating in the bin blaze and hinted at what’s next.
“It was sick watching the bin melt, like a volcano or something,” he said, grinning.
“Next, we’re thinking of lighting up one of those little Street Libraries. Burning books is kek [sic] dude.”
The Betoota Shire Council has promised swift action to repair the cricket pitch before the Dugongs’ match this weekend. Mayor Cr Keith Carton condemned the vandalism as “childish and stupid.”
“This cosmopolitan, inland port city prides itself on its strong community spirit, and the Dugongs are a part of that,” Carton said.
“We can’t have little bastards running around melting bins and thinking it’s funny. Parents, get your kids under control. Or the criminal justice system will.”
With the cricket pitch now out of commission and a street library apparently next on the hit list, community leaders are calling for greater engagement with teenagers in Betoota to prevent further damage.
“We get it, kids are bored,” Hayes said, shaking his head.
“Whatever happened to smoking a bong in the long grass and laughing?”
More to come.
