EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact
Local straight man Nathan Dunne, 28, is reportedly growing concerned over a wave of inexplicable hostility he’s encountered after unwittingly flaunting his big dumpy, having recently underwent a wardrobe overhaul which saw him swapping his baggy clothes for form fitting pants.
Nathan, a data analyst from Betoota Heights, has found himself the unintentional subject of both envy and outrage in his gym, office, and local Woolies, where his “criminally underappreciated” bubble butt has been dubbed a waste of nature’s gifts by onlookers.
“I don’t know what’s going on, but I keep getting glared at by women”, says Nathan, “but also a lot more attention from men?”
“But then they start glaring at me too, once I start talking.”
Speaking to a girl we caught giving Nathan the stink eye, The Advocate discovers that apparently Nathan’s physique is against the rules.
“I’m sorry but straight blokes should not be allowed to have a butt like that, especially if they’re not my boyfriend”, says Lauren, 27, “I can’t believe he’s just built like that?”
The LGBTQ+ community has not been shy in voicing its opinions either, with locals openly questioning the injustice.
“I’ve quite literally worked my arse off in the gym for the past four years and he just has that naturally? Yeah, that’s not right”, vents Josh, an openly gay associate lawyer from the French Quarter, “I would be so insufferable if mine looked that like.”
“That’s just fucking rude.”
More to come.
