CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
Lachie Jenkins has once again confirmed his undisputed superiority over his mates with a Strava screenshot on Instagram, leaving no doubt that he is fitter, smugger, and more technologically advanced than anyone in his social circle.
Lachie, who has spent the better part of the last two years posting unreasonably detailed workout stats, uploaded yet another Strava tracking screenshot yesterday—this time after a 10K run through Betoota Grove’s picturesque beaches.
“I didn’t even ask for this,” said Lachlan’s mate Tom, scrolling through the app while sipping his 3pm latte. “It’s just, like, every time Lachie does anything physical, he makes sure the whole world knows. This Strava thing? Yeah, I’m over it. 4-minute Ks? Cool, man.”
The screenshot, complete with a bewildering list of metrics like pace, cadence, and heart rate zones, was accompanied by a smug caption: “A few hills, a couple of PBs, and a decent sweat. #StravaKing #LevelUp.”
Lachie’s friends, who mostly spend their weekends alternating between the pub and the couch, were quick to point out that while his fitness might be top-tier, his ability to gloat has reached even greater heights.
“You can tell he’s showing off the tech side of it too,” said Lachie’s mate Ben, who was still trying to figure out how to pair Bluetooth headphones. “He always makes sure to include the ‘elevated heart rate’ stat, what’s that even mean?”
“Well, we also don’t care,” another mate, James, quipped, which was met by a round of murmurs of agreement from everyone else.
