EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT
A Betoota Grove woman has today expressed anger towards her parents for failing to force her to take up an instrument or attend dance classes as a kid.
Rita Croydon [26] is alleged to have attended a highly co-curricular Catholic school as a teenager, but has only just realised for the first time that cool hobbies or a penchant for sport can greatly improve your chances of being popular
Having watched in awe as the gymnastic kids did flips with ease, or the Eisteddfod winners enchanted the assembly with their musical prowess, Rita felt as though she’d been robbed of an opportunity, by not being forced to develop some discipline.
This jealousy is said to have followed her well into adulthood, and blossomed as she developed a love and obsession for musical artists – in particular, the endlessly problematic but alluring Lana Del Rey.
So set is Rita in her beliefs that she copped the short straw, that she’s pretty sure she could have made it big time, had she learned a skill while her brain was still malleable.
“It’s just not fair”, says Rita to our reporter, ‘why couldn’t I have been taught piano? Or the guitar?”
“I could have been like a more acoustic Florence Against The Machine and pregnant to a hot half-Korean skater-slash-tattoo-artist by now”
Adding that she wished she’d been ‘born into a musical family like Billie Eilish’, Rita says her interests were never encouraged as a child, which is why she’s never been successful.
However, her parents have argued since day one that they always thought she was more interested in those books about wizards and those Japanese cartoons where the dinosaurs are kept inside those red and white balls.
Rita won’t cop this, and feels her parents pushing her towards enjoyable team sports and distinction average academic results actually distracted her from becoming a dreamy solo musician who explores themes of tragic romance and glamour while pulling off a Jackie Kennedy-esque aesthetic.
“I don’t know, I just feel like they could have pushed me harder, you know?”
More to come.
