CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT
A local Northcote resident has stunned friends today by declaring that Preston—just three train stops away—is “way too far,” reigniting the age-old debate over how much inconvenience inner-city Melburnians are willing to tolerate outside their carefully curated lifestyle bubbles.
The complaint came from 29-year-old Jack Palmer, who let out an exaggerated sigh when asked to meet his mates at a bar in Preston for $5 pints and live jazz. “Preston? Mate, that’s so far. Isn’t that, like, basically Albury?” Jack said, as if someone had just asked him to pack a survival kit and swim across the Murray River.
His friends, who have grown accustomed to Jack’s dramatic geography takes, were quick to challenge him. “You can take the 86 tram too, Jack,” replied Tom, who lives in Preston and now spends half his social life convincing inner-north friends that Preston is not, in fact, a rural outpost. “You won’t even finish a podcast before you get here.”
Undeterred, Jack insisted that anything beyond Northcote feels “like a mission” and muttered something about needing to “mentally prepare” for travel north of Bell Street. Sources say Jack once referred to a 10-minute Uber ride to Coburg as “an overnight journey.”
At press time, Jack was seen texting from his favourite wine bar, politely suggesting they “just hang out in Fitzroy instead.” He later justified his refusal to attend by claiming Preston’s vibe “doesn’t really align” with his current headspace.
