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Local mum/ white class junkie Debra Mills was left reeling today when her attempt to get Valium was quashed.
Debra reveals that she’d seen her local doctor about a self diagnosed anxiety disorder and ‘sleep problems’ when she was simply written a prescription for Lexapro and sent on her way.
Disappointed that her thinly veiled plan had failed, Debra had begrudgingly handed over her Medicare card when she noticed a small sign hanging underneath the reception desk.
“They could have made the sign a bit bigger,” says an angry Debra.
“What a waste of my time.”
The sign, written in a size 60 Comic Sans font, was reported to say something along the lines of ‘We don’t prescribe Valium.’
“You know, it’s the junkie’s fault”, spat Debra, ‘They’ve ruined it for people that actually need it!”
“Why should everyone be punished because a few people can’t control themselves?”
Though Debra was clearly referring to herself as ‘someone who needs it’, her quest for Valium had little to do with a recurring anxiety disorder and more to do with a need to numb herself to life’s boredom.
“The government is just trying to control people.”
“I wouldn’t abuse it anyway,” adds Debra, “it’s only for emergencies.”
“I’m not an addict or anything.”
In light of the bad news, Debra decided to hit up her local mummies group for some names of agreeable doctors.
