ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Betoota Heights man Brad Thompson was humbled today as he discovered that fish and chip shops in New Zealand also offer a full range of Chinese food, causing him to reevaluate his perception of our friends over the dutch [sic].
“I always thought they were a bit backwards, you know? That’s why the smart ones with a bit of ambition have to leave and come here” said Thompson.
“Like, you know, hobbits and whatnot. But this is genius. These fucken guys have it all worked out.”
Thompson’s enlightenment came during a conversation with his friend Dave, who recently returned from New Zealand.
“I was telling Brad about this fish and chip shop I visited in Palmerston North,” Dave explained.
“They served the best sweet and sour pork I’ve ever had. Brad couldn’t believe it. They put beef and black bean on my seafood basket. I had half a dozen dimmies, too.”
The discovery has sparked a newfound respect for New Zealand in Thompson.
“I mean, here we are in Betoota, going to separate places for our fish and chips and Chinese takeout. The Kiwis have combined them. It’s efficient, and it’s brilliant. I don’t know why we haven’t done this. I’m sick of having to choose. It’s unbecoming of a gentleman in this day and age.”
Thompson, now an advocate for the Kiwi model, plans to petition local Betoota fish and chip shops to expand their menus.
“We’ve been underestimating our cousins across the Tasman for too long. It’s time we took a leaf out of their book. If they can do it, so can we. I told Mario down at my local takeaway the he should do it and you know what he said?”
“Waddafuck do I know about the Choynese food? I do you fish, I do you burger. Milkshake? Of course. You want the Choynese? You go over the road to see my friend in the Choynese shop, Tom, he’s 8th generation Aussie, too.”
More to come.
