ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The nation’s peak meteorological body has declared that winter has been cancelled this year as the planet continues to get hotter each year.
Today in Canberra, the Bureau of Meteorology confirmed what many Australians were thinking in recent weeks – parts of this island continent will no longer enjoy a few months of coolness. It will now always be hot, just in different degrees.
“Winter has been cancelled this year,” said Roger Clarke, the Bureau’s media and policy liaison officer.
“From Recherche to Bamaga, it will be unseasonably hot all winter. If you live north of the Murray River, it’s time to donate your warm clothes to our Kiwi cousins across the ditch in the developing world. If you think Tasmanians are poor, Kiwis make them look like Singaporeans. Do the right thing and put your puffer jackets in the nearest clothing bin. Send your puffer vests to the needy chodes of South Yarra if you can.”
However, Mr Clarke said that it’s still unknown why winter has been cancelled again as the science is still out.
“I was appointed to the Bureau by the previous government, that tasked me with changing the messaging and alluding to the fact that climate change is still a belief system, such as a religion,” added Mr Clarke.
“So with that in mind, I think if you go back far enough, you’ll find that the Earth has gone through sustained periods of heating and cooling. We are just in a heating period at the moment. The only people being impacted on a existential level during this current period of warming are all poor people in the developing world. Ergo, it’s not our problem,”
“So enjoy the extended summer.”
More to come.
