LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Much like the weather, a local war has gone cold this week as the season of winter serves as an unceremonious ceasefire between mum and the rebel group of ants in the kitchen.
Betoota mum Lianne Dorne (48) claims to be a good Christian woman but in previous years has been known to terminate thousands of lives with a single wipe of a Wettex.
Like many Australian home owners, Dorne finds the heart of her home overrun by ants every summer with a colony swooping in on a lightly crumbed surface like an overbearing waiter who is really chasing a tip.
For years, Dorne has fruitlessly tried to rally troops in her war against ants but is often let down as her kids continue to leave their dirty dishes out, enticing more enemy soldiers to return and causing Dorne to sink to chemical warfare.
However, like any decent Instagram user, ants live for the summer and generally venture inside less during the colder months meaning Dorne can finally enjoy using her kitchen again with the only pests being the humans she married/gave birth to.
“All quiet on the kitchen front,” stated Dorne, gesturing to her kitchen counter which is allowed a little mess in winter.
“Now is the time for peace. Now is the time for slow cooking.”
According to the ants, this informal peace treaty has already been violated by the humans as father Desmond accidentally ran the lawn mower over an important outpost/ant hill yesterday.
MORE TO COME.
